It’s the Subway sandwich of orc fighting.
Not an ideal point to pick up a save.
I re-learned all of that afresh while I was on fire, and being chased by wasps.
That probably doesn’t sound a lot like Tolkien.
Shadow of Mordor isn’t The Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit.
It’s not a grand finale.
It’s not there-and-back-again.
Instead it’s an endless pubfight, the game that brought hilarity to Middle-earth.
This probably sounds like sacrilege.
After a while, she said, “What is this absolute bullshit.”
Then she stomped off to find a biscuit.
So what is this absolute bullshit.
What’s stuffed up its sleeves?
But it didn’t look like that at first.
Parkour and huge maps littered with icons from Assassin’s Creed.
And then when it comes to fights, how about a bit of theArkham games?
That sounds like an awful, cynical Frankenstein game.
And it is absolutely those two series, Arkham and Assassin’s smushed together.
But it’s not awful or cynical.
It’s brilliant and funny.
This is because at the heart of all these borrowings is something fresh.
Mordor drops you as a ranger into a world filled with Orcs.
You climb through the hierarchy until all the notable orcs are puddles around you.
But this hierarchy is dynamic and responsive.
And a lot of what it responds to is you.
And by that I mean all the times you screw up.
It’s like Gyromancer, but with headbutts.
Up the chain they go - maybe they get a few traits.
Maybe they get a new piece of armour bolted into their face.
Maybe they kill you again and travel higher.
But as they killed you, you got to learn about them, their strengths and weaknesses.
And maybe that makes them easier to eventually take down.
Two things to know about the nemesis system.
It’s all connected.
One big fight in a Mordor school playground.
But that’s not quite right is it?
Do I want to learn how to do a spooky stun move by punching the ground?
Do I want a sword that sets people on fire or a sword that heals?
I can have both and more - and the same for the bow, the dagger.
It’s just a question of deciding who.
A brawl to rule them all, I guess.
I start by picking off a few archers, maybe.
Then I miss one.
Somebody blows a horn and then - oh heck, the camera zooms in and who’s this?
Readers, it’s only Rug the Vile.
Real talk: at this point I cannot remember Rug the Vile at all.
You think he would be hard to forget, yet there it is.
But anyway - he remembers me.
Back in 2017 when I last loaded up Shadow of Mordor, I clearly wronged Rug the Vile.
Anyway, he wants to join the fight and do me in himself.
But then the fighting pauses again, the camera zooms.
Hereallyhates me, cockers!
But before he can leap in, the camera zooms again and Gorgum Flesh Glutton is here.
The traditional spelling, as Frasier might put it.
And it’s brilliant.
A herb I should pick!
Maybe I fancy climbing a tower?
Because ultimately it’s all just about fighting orcs.
What kind of bread?
What kind of sauce?
- or asking who do you want to be fighting?
Southwest sauce on that?
Gosh, this does a lot for a game.
(Troy Baker did the motion-capture; half the time it looks like I did it.)
But none of this matters.
Because Shadow of Mordor knows that sometimes you just want to be fighting orcs.
And it knows that fighting orcs should be really, really entertaining.
