Exactly one win and one loss into my time with Ultimate Team inFIFA 23, I have a notification.
The little bar in the top-right of the screen strobes to tell me I’ve completed an objective.
So, completing an objective is expected after a couple games, and generally it’s neat.
FIFA 23 review
Only, I haven’t completed an objective.
I have, after two games and nothing else, completed 26 objectives.
That’s not all!
What followed for me, as it will for you, is an interminable parade of tat.
Longer than those first two matches combined.
The resulting sense, at least for me, is a kind of all-conquering ennui.
We know this by now about Ultimate Team.
It’s been here for years and it hasn’t changed all that much.
A playable hagiography for the sport’s most indulged player feels a touch premature.
All the worst parts of modern engagement-farming design are here.
Worst of all, consider the transfer market in FIFA Ultimate Team.
My first#NFTcollection Hometown Heroes is now available on sporteNFT marketplace.
Check out my collectionhttps://t.co/RoN6UZ6vZxpic.twitter.com/GpuK7rV6VQ
All of this, fundamentally, is gambling.
Ultimate Team is gambling.
I’d argue that makes it worse.
This is a casino where you’re free to only lose.
It’s not better than cashing out.
A life-consuming, obsessive compulsion.
This is the endless dilemma with FIFA in its modern form.
The other half is effectively just a variety of ways to have a kickabout.
Thinking about it all at once feels like reviewing a children’s playground built inside the Bellagio.
Still, both parts are as real as each other.
Gameplay this year feels, in a word, good.
In theory it means things look a little more realistic, which is welcome.
The best addition this year, by some way, is also the most ridiculous.
That is: power shots.
It’s also the hardest I’ve laughed in a little while.
There are other additions, and they’re positive.
you might now turn off negative commentary, which I truly love.
It’s also properly motion-captured, as you’d hope.
They do, and it’s a welcome change.
On the flipside there are problems here with gameplay, too.
Beyond that, some older frustrations remain.
And the AI, while always improved on the previous year, can still get into an almighty muddle.
Too often I hear myself muttering “where’s he going?!”
Referees can also still seem like they’re watching another sport entirely.
More seriously, this sport at its best, and FIFA too, is group therapy.
That’s an admirable goal.
